UPDATE: I (20F) found explicit child pornography on my boyfriend’s (27M) phone.
It’s been a long night. Thank you all for staying patient. Also this will be an immensely long post, so buckle in.
First off I just want to say thank you for the massive outpouring of support and love. I’m still trying to work through all of your PM’s because I’d like to respond personally to each of you who were kind enough to send me loving words of support. I have been pretty overwhelmed by the amount of people who have commented and through reading every last one of your thoughts. I never imagined this post would gain nearly this level of traction and visibility and it’s my hope that if I can provide some description of the course of legal action taken and what advice I used from Reddit users, other unfortunate partners who stumble upon CP and find this thread (at least in Canada) will have some idea of what recourse they can take.
I also want to state that for anybody who doubts the validity of my claims, I understand. This is an absolutely fucking insane sequence of events and as much as I wish I had the energy to make something like this up for some arbitrary Karma, I don’t. To provide proof I have sent photographs of identifications and the related arrest paperwork to mods and have worked with them to verify all of what I have written.
Yesterday I was picked up by my best friend Alex around 2:30. We drove around and talked for a while. I went to school, discovered it was closed (my scatterbrain completely forgot about spring break) and then we went back to his house to discuss all of the comments you had been leaving and come up with a course of action. We drank, talked and after a few hours took a short break from staring at my phone to play some apex.
Alex dropped me back off at my house around 930. David was home, in my room, and immediately I noticed how he was exceptionally quiet and distant. He said he had to admit something to me. I prepared for him to admit to possessing CP but instead he told me about how he had taken some photos of me sleeping; he felt really embarrassed about it but he just didn’t know how to bring it up. I feigned surprise and asked him if he had anything else on his phone he wanted to admit to me. He said no. I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me that, and he did. I don’t know why I was hoping so badly that he would be honest with me about the CP but I really thought he’d admit to it then and there. Instead he admitted he had been feeling suicidal the last few months but didn’t think he would act on it. He asked me if that changed my perception of him and I said no. He grew quiet again and I left to go shower. When I came back he was getting changed and said he was going to walk for a bit and grab some food. It was about 1030 at this point. When he left, I finally lost it and broke down. I grabbed my cat and hugged him and cried and cried and cried. I was so tired and wanted to shut my brain off so badly.
I grabbed my phone and dialed the non emergency RCMP line for my city. Shaking and crying I explained to the lady on the phone that I had discovered CP on my boyfriend’s phone. She put me through to the report line and I spoke to another Constable who told me I would be contacted by another officer who would provide more details. I waited for around 10 minutes. The officer advised me that he would need me to come in and provide a recorded audio/video statement. I asked if I could do it over the phone and he said no, it must be done in person so that if this goes to court, Crown Counsel has clear evidence that I was not coerced into stating what I witnessed. I don’t have my full licence yet and because of the late time I wasn’t able to make it down there on my own via transit so the cons table said he would come pick me up, asked me if David was there and if I could safely leave without arousing suspicion. Luckily David knows about my close family-like relationship with my best friend, so I made up a lie about how my best friend got in a fight with his dad and he wanted to talk to me about it. David didn’t seem to question it and I waited for the officer to arrive.
He called me from a blocked number and I walked outside and down the block to his SUV. The constable and another officer greeted me, I got into the front seat and we drove to the station. During the ride I asked him about whether seizing the phone on my own was a good idea. He explained that I had done everything correctly; laying low and getting my thoughts together to take it to police without notifying David. He said if I had taken David’s phone on my own that it would not have been admissible as evidence in court; they would have returned it back to him and he could have deleted all the evidence since suspicion had been roused. It was about 11:15 at this point. They placed me in an interview room and I sat and waiting for about twenty minutes. The officer came back in and explained the process of the interview, that it would take some time and to be as thorough as possible with my answers. He said we could take breaks and brought me some water.
He started off by asking me details about my life, where I grew up, past employment etc. After that portion he asked me about David, what our relationship was like, whether he was nice and kind to me and anything else I knew about him. I told him he was sweet, that he had been nothing short of lovely in the time we’d been together but I did express that things had been moving very quickly. He agreed. He then got me to explain how I came upon the photos in question, so I did. Then came the worst part. He asked me to go through, one at a time, the photos I explicitly remembered details of seeing and to describe it in very, very graphic detail. ie positions of the children, their ethnicity, any identifying characteristics such as clothing, circumcision etc. It was intense but by some grace of God I was able to keep my composure and not burst into tears (mental/emotional exhaustion was fully setting in and I was almost thankful for not having energy to bawl) and provide a clear statement to the officer. He asked me if I would testify in court and I said I would. The officer left a few times during the interview to discuss with his supervisor more questions to ask during the interview and the legalities of the seizure they would attempt. The full interview took around three hours including all the sitting and waiting.
After I had been sitting for what felt like an eternity the officer came in and explained that they felt my interview provided enough reasonable cause to seize his phone and place him under arrest. They explained how the process would go and whether I wanted a no contact agreement. I said yes initially but the officer asked me if it would be easier to not have one in regards to sorting out his belongings. That made sense to me so I chose not to move forward with the no contact agreement.
We got in the constable’s car and drove down to my house with 2 other officers in 2 different vehicles, 3 in total. I told them I was more comfortable in a squad car than standing outside (I didn’t want to face him) so they moved me to the back of the cop car. I’ve never felt so anxious in my life. I asked them to be mindful of my cats and not let them get outside; they promised they would make sure of that. About 15 minutes later I saw them bringing David out in handcuffs. My heart which had been dissolving in my stomach’s acid all day felt completely gone. I curled up in the fetal position in the back of the squad car and waited to be told I could go back inside. After another eternity (my phone had died by this point but I know it was well past 330) they came back and explained he was under arrest but being released with promise to appear in court at a later date. I was told by the officer I could go back in, and that they would help him find his way back to the place he had been staying previously. The officer gave me a victim services card and a hug and instructed me to snuggle my cats tightly, that I did a brave thing and to be well.
I went back into my house, put Planet Earth on for background noise and called my other best friend Paige who had been keeping up with me about this since I sent her my reddit post. We were talking for almost 45 minutes when my door burst open. It was David. He was frantic, his eyes were wild and he was hyperventilating. My jaw dropped; officers said they would be escorting him back to his prior residence and I was not at all mentally prepared to see him again. Paige asked me if everything was okay and I told her David had walked through the door, I would call her back. Immediately David came to the bed where I was sitting, dropped to his knees and sobbed violently. He said he didn’t know I would be here, he just came to grab a couple more of his belongings. He asked me what the cops had asked myself or told me. I lied and said that they said they had only told me they had suspicions of possession of child pornography. He sobbed more and loudly said “That isn’t me, that isn’t me, this isn’t who I am” and cried more and more. His body was wracked with sobs and he apologized over and over again. It was immensely difficult to witness and I wish I could have told him to get the fuck out but I just sat there immobilized, in shock. It was well close to 5 in the morning and I hadn’t slept or eaten much in nearly 48 hours at this point so my body and brain felt like they were essentially non-functioning.
David began and said that this had been something he struggled with after developing an intense porn addiction in his early 20s. I asked him if he had ever been abused sexually and he said no. He said he knew how horrible it was to seek these images out, but had no inclination or desire to ever touch any children, he had never acted on these thoughts and never would. I asked him why he had never sought treatment before, and he admitted that he was terrified of what people would think, he had no idea what resources to access and he felt ashamed. He said his previous suicide attempts in years prior were directly linked to the fact that he considered himself a pedophile. I nodded. I asked him if they would find anything on his phone that would incriminate him and he said yes, they were going to. He admitted they were very explicit photos and I asked how he even found them; I don’t recall we ever got to that. He promised me he didn’t use my internet to access it but I don’t really believe that. He apologized to me more times than I could count and asked if I hated him. I told him I wasn’t sure that I felt hatred for him but I was sure of being beyond disappointed in his actions; I told him how terribly I felt betrayed and hurt and violated. I expressed my sadness in what he had done, the innocence of these exploited children, how he had so much potential to do so much good in the world and how disappointed this was the route he chose.
Then I heard a loud knock on the door and lights outside my windows. Three officers were outside, two of whom I recognized from earlier and they asked me if David was here. I said he was, and they said they were coming to perform a wellness check because Paige had called in. I realized I had completely forgotten to text her back and let her know I was okay, bless her heart. The officers took David outside and they each asked him if they had any cause to worry about his actions tonight and he promised them they did not. I told them I was okay; that I would finish my discussion with him and if I had any issues I had them on speed dial. They nodded and left.
David sobbed and sobbed for what felt like a millennium and I just sat and well, endured it. Tears just ran and ran and ran from him. He said he knew what he was saying was cliche; that he was sure I expected to hear this great big apology. He said if I thought he was being manipulative he could understand but assured me he was at his rock bottom and wanted me to know how horrible he felt about not only what he’d done, but what I had to go through. I just nodded. There was silence for a long time, I think by this point it was around 8 or 830 in the morning. I don’t know how long I stared at my TV screen that said “Are you still watching: Planet Earth?” but it could have been a lifetime. I had no concept of time or what to do or say or what was the right way to feel. I think David was either silent or had fallen asleep against my bed. I didn’t know or care, I was just numb. I would have probably sat like that until I died but two of my four cats descended on my bed and meowed for food. I got up, fed my little critters and cats and came back to my bed. My brain wasn’t capable of thought so I stared at my tv screen until I passed out sometime around 9.
I didn’t sleep for long because when I woke up and checked my phone it said 11:30. David was awake and crying still. When he realized I was awake he sat up and looked at me immensely pained. I just stared at him. He started apologizing and apologizing more. He expressed his life was over, he had nobody and nothing and that I was his greatest light in life, how he never wanted to lose me. He expressed how much he cared about me and how he would do anything to win my affections back; to get me to give him a second chance. I shook my head and he sobbed, sobbed, sobbed, apologizing non-stop. At this point I finally asked him to leave. I told him I needed space to sort out my emotions, and I needed to get some sleep. I asked him if he would be okay. He nodded and grabbed his things. He said he would get out of my life and not contact me if that’s what I wanted him to do. I said nothing. He expressed how much he loved me and again how sorry he was, and that if there was every any chance of anything happening between us ever again that he would be there. He said I love you about ten million times and grabbed his bag and stepped out of my door.
I’ve been laying in bed since then and writing this. I just want this to be over. I just want to move on and figure out how to sort the mess that remains. Also I think I forgot to add that his court date is set for June. As far as sentencing, if he’s found guilty of possession of child pornography I believe he could be sentenced to 18 months max and a minimum sentence of 90 days. I will post updates again if I feel they are important; otherwise I will update again in June when he has been sentenced and let you know what charges are laid.
Thank you all again for your support, kindness, and love. I have never in my life experienced such an outpouring of generosity and compassion and I would have been so lost without some of your advice. I’ll continue working on replying to your PM’s, but in the meantime I think I’m going to try and finally get some god damned sleep.
TLDR: Filed a secondary report over the phone, provided a audio/video interview to police and they arrested David and seized his phone. He signed a promise to appear in court in June. He awaits sentencing.
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