I accidentially killed an 8 year old child when I was 12.
The 8 year old and I lived close to each other, there wasn't many kids nearby as it was a village/extreme suburbs.
So we were playing in the woods, play wrestling and stuff, messing around I remember we were really into wrestling.
I remember doing a wrestling move and he came down really hard on his head and hit a rock. I immediately knew something was up, blood came out his nose like it was a water fountain, almost projectile in nature and he lost consciousness almost immediately he screamed initially then gargled as he struggled to breathe and then wasn't making too much noise.
I ran home immediately which was a solid 5-10 mins on foot. I get there and run in tell my parents he fell and there was blood.
I remember leading my dad to him, my dad when he saw him went from expecting a bump and upset child to full on getting shit done mode. We walked to him but when we got there and my dad saw him he lifted him into his arms so quickly and took off running. I couldn't keep up. I remember the absolute shock on my dads face. I get back to the house and mum is there and she takes me away and starts asking what happened.
I was examined at length by both my parents and the police. I stuck to my story throughout, which was; we were playing in the woods and I was chasing him and he fell and hit his head really hard.
It was ruled an accident.
When I was 16 (4 years later) the father of the boy died and I didn't find out for a few years after that it was suicide.
I have never told anyone. I'm sorry. I hope to see you again one day to apologise.
Edit: please don't give me gold, if you want to pay your respects please donate to one of the following charities:
https://childbereavementuk.org/ https://www.compassionatefriends.org/
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