AITA for not outing my dad, who I found on a gay hookup site?
When I was in college I found out my dad was active on a gay hookup site. I've been able to log into his account and confirm that it is him. He chats with other older guys and occasionally meets up with them.
I never told my mom or my siblings. I'm the only one who knows. It's been over 10 years since I found out. He has been active on the site all this time.
At first I was shocked and angry. Now I feel sorry for him and just want him to be happy, and safe. But I also want my mom to be happy, and safe. Part of me thinks she deserves to know.
If I told anyone, I think it would destroy his marriage of 30+ years and his relationship with my siblings. My extremely religious mom would be devastated. My family may even get mad at me for knowing and not saying anything all this time.
I've never confronted him about it. He and I don't have the closest relationship. He is not very communicative or expressive. I can't even imagine what his reaction would be if he knew that I knew.
I myself am gay. Yes, my family knows. But I wouldn't have wanted someone else to out me. If I were in the closet but on a hookup site, I wouldn't want anyone telling me they had discovered my secret.
He is getting much older and I fear we may not have a lot of years left. It might be something I regret not discussing with him. It might make him happy to know I understand this part of him and that I don't judge him for it.
But I keep thinking that it's not my life, not my marriage, not my decision to make -- and that's why I've left it alone all these years...to just keep the family together. This might be something I have to take to my grave.
On the other hand, part of me feels it's unfair to my mom and that she deserves to know, even though it might uproot her entire life. (This situation happened to a friend of hers and I know she'd be devestated.)
AITA for not outing him / confronting him?
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