AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over "consent required"?
Before any of you start freaking out at me, I want to say that I fully support both women and men asking for consent before getting touchy or sexual with another person, and I would never in my life think about treating another person that way. Now that thats out of the way, the AITA moment.
I've been with my girlfriend for the last 8~ months. In this time, we've slept together, been sexual together, and all that jazz. We've hit a comfortable routine where on friday nights one of us would go to the others place and spend the weekend there. Our usual routine on the first night is watching some shitty movie or tv show until we realize we don't actually care what we're watching and would much rather make out. This goes on until one of us decides to start pawing at each others genitals like a cat pawing the bottom of the door while you're trying to use the bathroom. Things lead into foreplay followed by the usual sex times. This has been our almost weekly routine for a good 3 months now. We've been comfortable with each other and very open about our sexual desires and what not.
Now, on this last friday, I went over to her apartment. We put on some stupid netflix documentary that I can't remember the name of, and about half way through we started tongue boxing. I got into it, and decided to start touching her, resulting in me getting under her pants. I do the business and make her feel good. After this, we just sit there for a minute in the after glow, before she pulls away from me and goes kind of silent. I try to talk to her because I can tell somethings suddenly upset her but have no idea what, she tries to tell me that nothings wrong. I tell her that I know when shes upset and if she's not willing to talk with me about it then I should probably just go, so she breaks down and says this.
"I just feel like you kind of use me. You never ask for my consent before touching me and it makes me feel like an object instead of a person."
Now, of course I understand the sentiment. I'm not always the most romantic of person, I try to make her feel good and give 110% to her, but I can see where shes coming from. Still, I was [visibly confused] at this statement, and she must have noticed because she huffed and pulled away again and said that I never listen to her.
I point out how we've been dating for months, and that neither of us has asked for consent to touch the other since we first started dating and were just starting to be sexual towards one another. She gets mad at this and says how it isn't the same for a woman as it is a man. I tell her how blatantly a double standard that is.
At this point shes getting angry and borderline yelling at me about this, and says that I'm no longer allowed to touch her in any way unless I ask first and she gives me permission.
I say that it makes no sense for us to be dating and in a romantic relationship if she expects me to walk on eggshells just to try and be intimate with her, and say that shes making me feel like I'm some kind of molester or sexual offender because I want to touch the woman I've been dating for 8 months.
"Well maybe you are!" she says angrily. At this point, I'm angry, annoyed, and absolutely fed up. I just say that if thats the way things need to be with her then maybe we just should break up. She throws a fit over this and starts insulting me, at which time I just leave and go home.
Not five minutes after I walk in my door, shes texting me saying that shes sorry for insulting me and yelling at me, I think it over for a minute and decide that I'm done, text her back that we're through, and go to bed.
I woke up in the morning to almost 50 texts, most from her either being apologetic or angry, the rest being from friends of hers or her sister calling me an asshole because I "broke up with the perfect woman because I wasn't allowed to grope her whenever I want."
So, Am I the asshole here? I feel like I'm justified in my reaction and opinions regarding this, but at the same time feel like maybe theres some new wave promoting the virtue of consent that I've missed? Am I the asshole for thinking that you shouldn't need to ask for consent to touch or feel your partner if you're in a romantic relationship?
And before you start yelling at me (even though I'm sure half of you have already started typing) I respect a persons right to say no. If I touch my girlfriend, or any girl I'm with sexually/romantically for that matter, and they say they aren't interested or aren't in the mood, I'll stop, no question. I just think requiring consent every time is insane and more damaging to the relationship than anything.
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